"It sounds better since I had it fixed"

Though we took 1,000 pounds to the dump, not all objects found during the Crapture were crap. There were some golden nuggets!

One of them was a candy box filled with dozens and dozens of letters from Jack to his mother and to his sister Bo during the war years. Though obviously he couldn't write any details of the war, the letters do give an interesting snapshot of a soldier's life.

I will be sharing some of them in this space.

First, though, we begin at the end.

I found this anonymous "Short Course to Orientation" among the letters. It seems to be a Navy missive, but I think it applied to all of the military branches. It is on a legal-sized piece of paper, which my lame scanner cannot handle, so I'll type it here. I kept the typos.

A piece of it is below.

SHORT COURSE TO ORIENTATION
OR
YOU CAN STILL BE A GENTLEMAN EVEN IF YOU WERE IN THE PACIFIC AREA

THIS COURSE HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY LEADING AUTHORITIES ON ETIQUETTE AND WILL PROVE INVALUABLE TO YOU.

We have only a limited sup ply of this "Short Course to Orientation" so we will have to operate on the First Come, First Served policy, so get your application early.

APPLICATION

NAME_______________________________ RANK_________ SERIAL NO.________

MONTHS OVERSEAS________ NUMBER OF TIMES IN ___ SCORE OF NAVY I.Q.___

OOD CONDUCT MEDAL (YES) (NO) Delete One.

SIGNED______________________________________

This application must be accompanied by your records and your pro card.

With men now leaving our organization to return to the states, we have found from reports drifting back to us, that these men are required to attend school for two weeks. The purpose of this school is to teach them culture and refinement in order that they may re-adapt themselves to the far gentler life in the states. You men are all anxious to return home and two weeks' delay is hard to take; so, in order to remedy this, we have compiled the following data.

After taking this short cours e it will be unnecessary for you to attend any schools. You m ay go directly home, confident that you are able to mix with any g roup, be it s aloon or salon. Our course c arries the Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval.

EXCERPTS FROM OUR SHORT COURSE

1. Upon arriving in America, you will be amazed at the large number of beautiful girls wandering about. Remember boys, New York is not Guam or the Phillipines. Many of these girls have occupations, such as stenographers, sales girls, or beauty operators. Therefore, you do not approach them with "How Much?" A proper approach is, "Isn't it a beautiful day?" or "Were you ever in Scranton?" Then you ask, "How Much?"

2. If you are visiting at someone's home, and after spending the night are awakened by a gentle rap at the door informing you that they household is arising, the proper answer is, "I'll be there shortly, etc., etc." DO NOT SAY, "Blow it out your G.D.A."

3. Your first meal in the morning being breakfast, you will find strange assortments of food on the table. Do not be afraid to eat them. They are highly palatable. Such things as cantaloupe, fresh eggs, milk, etc. If you wish some butter, do NOT say, "Throw me the goddam grease." You merely turn to the person nearest you and say, "Please pass the butter."

4. If, while in a group you find a biological urge is coming over you , YOU DO NOT grab a shovel in one hand and paper in the other and head for the garden. You will find that 90% of the homes in the states have one room called "The Bathroom",i.e., a b athroom in most cases contains a bathtub, wash basin, medicine cabinet, and a toilet, and it is the latter that you use in this case.

5. You are invited to another's home. If, upon arriving, you find that all the chairs are in use, DO NOT SQUAT down in the corner in the manner of an Arab and assure your host that you are perfectly comfortable, have patience, and a seat will be provided for you.

6. Belching or passing wind in c ompany is s trictly frowned upon. If you should forget about it, however, and do either in the presence of others, just say, "Excuse Me" but DO NOT SAY, "It sounds better since I had it fixed."

7. When a t dinner you will be amazed to find that each item has in most cases a separate dish. In the Navy you have learned to eat such delightful combinations as corned beef patties and p udding mixed together, or lima beans and peaches. NO NOT empty each small dish into your large one to make the meal more palatable; instead, bear with these strange civilians and in no time you will b ecome accustomed to their "Separate Dish" system and you will enjoy the meal.

8. If you are entertaining at home and plan to serve stimulants (Combat Juice to you), you must be careful. It had been your experience overseas to find that such drinks as Underripe Wine, Alcohol and Grapefruit Juice, or a combination of gasoline bitters and water,wwhich our French friends call "Cognac" were in order overseas and that they were highly acceptable. However, your civilian friends are a little more discriminating, so do not serve any of the above if you wish to keep your friends.

9. If, upon leaving a friend's home, after a visit, you find that you have misplaced your hat, it is highly probable that they have placed it in a closet for you. You meet this situation by turning to your host and saying, "I do not seem to be able to find my hat." "Could you help me find it?" DO NOT SAY, "Don't anybody leave this room, some S.O.B. has my hat."

10. When a person has erred back in the states, especially in strange city, he is infomed by his associates that "Perhaps he has made a mistake" or "Perhaps he has overlooked this or that" If by any chance you feel it is your duty to inform him that he has made a blunder, DO NOT accuse him of having f..... up the detail. Politely let him know that he has made an error.

11. If your travels in the states, particularly in a large city, you feel that it is time to find a place to sleep, you should inquire as to the nearest hotel and upon arriving there, should register, after which you will be shown to your room. Remember, YOU ARE NOT IN COMBAT* DO NOT go up to the nearest house, throw out all the occupants save their daughter and go to bed with her.

12. You do not need to be afraid of bombs in the States, so do not wear your helmet in the house.

13. Upon arriving at home, you will no doubt be offered real American Whiskey. It is at this time that you will be called upon to exercise the peak of control. Merely accept the drink and in due time your glass will be refilled, DO NOT get a wild frantic look in your eyes, snatch the bottle from the hose or hostess and proceed to drain the bottle, cork and all.

14. You will no doubt go to motion pictures in the States. You must remember that seats are provided for all. There is no need for you to take your helmet along. DO NOT WHISTLE everytime a female from eight to eighty walks across the screen. If your vision is impaired by the person in front of you, merely move to another seat. DO NOT SAY "Move your head, Jerk. I c an't see a damn thing."

15. Do not go around hitting everyone of draft age in civilian clothes. He may have been released from the service with a Medical Discharge. Ask for his credentials and if he can show none, then beat the hell out of him.

16. Upon retiring, you will no doubt be given a pair of pajamas ot wear, or possibly will find them lying on your bed. (Pajamas are t wo-piece sleeping garments which are to be put on when a ll your clothing has been removed. They are not to be used as trading material.) Upon seeing these pajamas, act as tho you are used to them . A remark such as "My, what a delicate shade of blue" would show that you were taken aback by their presence. DO NOT SAY, "Pogey Bait, you don't expect me to sleep in anything as valuable as those, do you?"

17. It is exceedingly bad form at any time to open a beer bottle with your teeth, regardless of how anxious you are to get at the contents. In the event that the hostess s ays, "Please pass the nutcracker." DO NOT hand her an empty beer bottle.

18. Last, but not least, never strike a lady without tipping your hat first.

NOTE: Students, you should complete this course in etiquette as as to be ready to face society unashamed. If you are a gentleman at heart, these helpful hints will come easily and naturally to you, but if you are a bum, you may have to work a little harder at it . At any rate, don't fail to send in your application at once.

P.S. Here is another definition of "pogey bait," from MarineCorpsTimes.com.

Pogey bait: Candy or snacks. The term possibly derives from the term “pogue,” used to describe anyone working in an administrative capacity. One would use “pogey bait” to bribe a “pogue” into doing a Marine a favor.