A Tale of Two Ladies

It seems that often my clients come clumped. I'll have a streak of clients with a particular trait. Maybe over-100-year-olds, or several folks suffering from Parkinson's disease. Or, maybe a bunch live within a few blocks of each other in Goleta. Right now, it is Crazy Cat Ladies. Ok, so they aren't crazy, really; all three have dementia. But they are strikingly similar: about the same age, with memory and cognitive deficits. They all live in similarly modest homes. All of them are widowed (actually, one long-divorced), and they each live with a supportive daughter. They are open with many stories of their past. They all love cats. And they are all happy.

All three are in similar places now, at this time of their lives. But getting to know them, I see they traveled here on very different paths. I want to tell you about two of them.

Mrs. S was born in Oklahoma and grew up dirt-poor in Tennessee during the Depression. When she was in her early teens, her mother left her father. A cousin from California drove to Tennessee to get the family and moved them out West. Mrs. S had to quit school in the 8th grade to care for her baby brothers when her mom had to go to work. Though she can't remember if she ate breakfast this morning, she is full of stories of a large, warm, supportive family. For example, a cousin was orphaned and was sent to live with an "evil" aunt. Other relatives shuttled around the unfortunate little girl to shield her from the unhappy situation in that house. Though she grew up poor, it is obvious Mrs. S grew up happy and loved. Her extended family is important to her.

Mrs. W is another delightful lady. She grew up in a very wealthy home in the suburbs of Cleveland. During the Depression, in her words (she gave me a written brief biography), "While people were living out of garbage cans during those years, and the Oakies were struggling across the country, we had our sacrifices, too. Our household staff was reduced to a live-in cook and a live-in maid."

Mrs. W's stories of her childhood are heart-wrenching. Her mother was cold and abusive. There was no love in her house. Her higher education was in fits and starts, depending on if her mother would give her the needed money or not. She finally got a master's degree in library science at age 41.

She overcame a disastrous marriage, too, and eventually found her way to a fulfilling, happy life. She raised two kids as a single mother. She is an animal rescuer and currently has four cats. Lately one has died. She feels his loss deeply; her animals are extremely important to her. She is a laughing, happy, sweet lady that I have the real pleasure to know.

Getting to know these women really got me thinking. It isn't always about where you were, but where you are. Life can put up obstacles of many kinds. There are ways to knock down obstacles. You can decide to do that, or you can decide not to. Finding the path to Happiness is not always easy, but there is more than one way there. Go out and find it!




"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." --Abraham Lincoln

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory." --Albert Schweitzer